Follow Up..

So I'm sure I sound a bit like a gemini. Newsflash: I am. BUT After reading my post from yesterday I have to realize. I have a lot to be thankful for and I realize that this is definitely purpose. However, purpose doesn't always mean easy, or breezy. By that I mean, there will be hard times. And, honestly, I can't say that I prepared myself for these hard times.

Blessings/Purposes of this journey
1. Finding and meeting my soulmate
2. Getting to know 3 amazing women
3. Learning about my self through compromise and adjustment
5. Housewife training lol (cooking, cleaning, being tidy)
6. Becoming healthier
7. Exercising more
8. Better understanding of my hair
9. Lifelong connections
10. Direction in life --- this is probably the biggest 1
11. Higher spiritual connection/Stronger Faith

The list could easily go on but that's from the top of my head. I think this cold weather had gotten the best of me. But I won't let it. I've got too much to be thankful for and grateful for.

Oh and btw --- this is the retail therapy from early lol! 

A new coat from H&M, 2 new pair of jeans, shower gel and lotion that came with freebies, gloves, and monoi oil! =) It was all defnitely worth the wait from last week,

Purpose or Convenience?

Somethings make you wonder whether you listened to the direction your life was suppose to take or you just did what was convenient. Honestly, I have enjoyed many parts of this journey. However, I have learned some very crucial things about myself as I do with every journey. Living with others simply isn't for me. Whether it's a best friend, an associate from college, or someone you hardly even know. There are obstacles that everyone must overcome. I know this. But, truthfully these obstacles are starting to make me feel as though I put them on myself. I mean I have no one else to blame except me. I chose to live in Spain with 3 women. WTF was I thinking? Hell, I ask myself that question quite often. Never again. I can say that much. As much as I've contemplated the issue, I come to the same result. I don't think it's any one's fault. The simple fact is I cannot function in chaos and I truly believe that no matter how well people get along, especially women, there will always be chaos. And that type of environment isn't conducive to my health. So even if it had been 3 other people that I saw on a daily basis, eventually I would have gotten sick of it. If it was 3 people that I have never seen, eventually I would have gotten sick. The same goes for 3 people that I kind of know.

I've also begun to question who I really trust since this journey. My trust is something that I've given freely since a life changing experience that I had. For me, trust and respect go hand in hand. If I trust you, I definitely respect you. My concept on this is that I will give my trust openly, but the minute someone does something I begin to take it away, little by little. A saying that has come to me over and over through this experience has been "When someone shows you who they are, believe them, because if anybody knows, they know" It's something that my great grandmother told me and its something that Maya Angelou said on Oprah's Master Class series. Fact of the matter is, every one that I'm living with has shown me who they are at some point, whether it be the good, the bad, or just the flat out ugly. Honestly, some of it I don't think I wanted to believe so I blocked it out a bit. But, it's only hurt me worse later through frustration. It's like you say something and it goes in one ear and out the other. I've gotten sick of talking to people. You listen to EVERYONE'S problem, you help everyone out, and when you need it where are they? I don't do those things because I expect it back, I do it because I have a good heart and I believe in helping others. But, there are only so many times that I can help and help and get kicked in the ass feeling like a dunce.

I'm running out of time I've got a class to go give, but I'll finish this later. Hopefully I won't be as frustrated when I return after a bit of much needed retail therapy. =)

Meant to be

For the past few weeks I've been going through what I feel are life tests and trials. I've always felt that destiny exists and that God has a plan for my life. I'm not sure what is in that plan or how I'm suppose to go about finding it but I know that it exists.

It seems that so many things and so many people are trying to hold me back. But I feel this deep down, that I have to do this. I couldn't decide for the longest time, whether the people who were trying to hold me back had good intentions or were completely ill-mannered.

Where I come from, people don't get out. You stay here and make a living for yourself. But, you certainly don't travel halfway across the water after getting your degree. The inconceivable part of this whole thing for me is that I don't even have a plan behind it all. Actually, this wasn't even my idea...

My best friend told me about the program, and I laughed when she first mentioned it. But after deep consideration, I said to myself, why not, it's a great opportunity.

The other week I was watching Oprah's Master Class series. And something from this particular OMC on Oprah rang a bell in my soul. She said, that when you've done all you can do, and nothing else makes sense, surrender it all to God. And I just did that.

It seems so many things are beginning to come together. I still have no idea how I'm getting to Spain, but I know I am. I've got faith. I was watching my soap opera One Life to Live, and even the name speaks volumes. Well, the actor who plays the part of Christian Vega received the opportunity of a lifetime. His job asked him to travel to Spain (Barcelona) to teach but he had to leave instantly. Before he receives this offer he tries to rekindle magic with his first love, Jessica. They both decide it isn't worth it. As soaps go, once he arrives in Spain, he comes across the original actress who played the role of Jessica, only now she calls herself Erin. This is only important to me because Christian is my ULTIMATE favorite guy on the soap and consequently my soapstar hubby. The fact that his first love's named Jessica, isn't a coincidence neither is the fact that he's trying to replace her =). Well, atleas tin my mind it isn't LOL.
But the point of all this to me, is, how odd, that they choose Spain of all places to send him to, and to teach, the same month that I'm leaving and I can't seem to figure all of this out due to doubts. I've been really reconsidering it all thinking I should just look for a job here.

Most people may look at it and say it's nothing, but for me it was reassurance. It's that voice, that guidance that leads me the right way. It's still slightly hard for me to believe it all, but I know I have to do this for me, if for no one else. It's a dream of mine to travel, to see the world. But not just that, I want to help others too.

That's it for now, I will update more frequently once I'm in Spain. Right now, life is just a little too chaotic.

Of course, I send a RIP to all those lost in 9.11.11. That's still hard for me to believe as well. Even more shocking, my neighbor's daughter died today. =( I can't really believe it yet.

Joys

I've been so blessed in this process. As I stated in my first entry, my best friend, Anna, talked me into applying for this program. Well, she also encouraged 2 other friends to apply. She's pretty convincing, because we all applied. It seems like things just keep getting better and better. Not only did we all receive the same region (Andalucía), but we also received the same city (Málaga). Our plans now are to live together and save expenses. If someone would have asked me a year from now where would I see myself in a year, I'm sure that this would not be an option. I was set on grad school and just knew that I had everything in order. UNTIL I realized, while studying abroad in Mexico that I couldn't take the GRE there. Now, I have to do that before Spain so that I can apply to grad school in time this go around.

Frustrations

I've been excited about this journey up until lately. I recently found out that my background check that I received in February is not authenticated, which means that it can't be apostilled. I have to start my process all over again. The FBI background check could take a while, and I still haven't gotten my plane ticket. This pushes things back so far.

What makes this so bad, is that I missed the 90 day deadline by about 5 days. o_0. I'm going to make the most of this and take it as easy as I can and try not to make a huge deal about this. In my few years, I've come to realize that the verbal and mental anguish I could release won't make this situation any better - no need to waste more time.

I sent the FBI background check off last week, so here's for waiting for everything to be finished =/

Finally up & running

Welcome to my blog! I am a recent college grad and future auxiliar de conversación in Málaga, Andalucía, Spain.

A little bit about me: Q&A

1. Where am I from?
North Carolina. I recently graduated from Peace College with a degree in Anthropology and Spanish. My specialties are Latin American Studies and Cultural Anthropology.

2. How'd I find out about the program?
My best friend, Anna! We've both always wanted to travel. We were roommates freshman year and we've been friends ever since. I've always wanted to travel... the destination didn't really matter, as long as it wasn't my backyard. The older I've gotten this has changed some. As long as I've known Anna, she's had a fascination with Spain, so for her to find this program was not a surprise. BUT, convincing me that I should go WAS! :) I don't regret it at all.

3. Future Plans?
After this program, I plan to pursue a PhD in Anthropology. I haven't decided on the school, yet.

4.More Questions...
If you've got more questions, post as a comment and I'll reply. :)